Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
