i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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