imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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