Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The best revenge is premature balding
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize