Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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