over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
