A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
