i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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