a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
