Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
