dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wear drunk well.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
