I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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