thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
