ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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