you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
