Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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