I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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