I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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