so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
