Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My liver just broke up with me...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
