ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
