Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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