this beer tastes like vomit already
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
