So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
