So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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