Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
