All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
