I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
