SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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