I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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