My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
