Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
