are you still at the devil's house?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
what day is it and did you see me today?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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