I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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