So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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