So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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