Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
