around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
