Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
