just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
