One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
