pedialite and red bull = repair kit
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
