Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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