i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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