I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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