Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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