I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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