Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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