i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
