u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
