grandma shit on top of the toilet
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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