What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
