Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
