Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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