You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
