And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize