She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You are the jesus of drinking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
