I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize