Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
