I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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