My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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