whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
