As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
