So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
