she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
