Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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