YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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