I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
