hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
