hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
