but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize