we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
