I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
