god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
