just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
