I'm eating all of the evidence.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
