Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
