i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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