i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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