I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
