i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
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